♦ LAST UPDATED ON December 23, 2020 ♦
At least in the beginning. It perhaps is true that people do not see the faults of the person that they just came to love. That is why we say that love is blind. When “love at first sight” smites, the single may not be able to “see” clearly even if s/he wanted to! With that single falling in love, the subliminal capacity of sound judgment seems to suspend itself all together – at least for a little while.
Falling in love may be a sweet thing, but falling madly in love might be outright dangerous. Why? In most cases, falling in love is still a manageable situation, but falling madly in love perhaps not. I know that some folks crave the thrills and dangers of crazy love. However, that is not you, is it? Crazy love is not what we are after.
Having fallen in love is most likely a form of sweet euphoria, and not worthy of being called love just yet. For the moment, gone are a strong pain and suffering from loneliness and boredom, only to be replaced — eventually — by subtle the pains and sufferings from compromises to be made down the road.
In the lovers’ blind infatuation one may rightly find an impulse that cannot direct itself towards the beloved as a person. However, love will not stay blind long enough to prevent us from eventually looking around again. The idealized version of our lover has faded, and it seems that there is that real other, as well as plenty of other fish in the pond! A person might be tempted to ask: “Which ones to keep close, why just settle on this one?” Yes, everything is complicated. Sure, love makes errors, but there is reason in love — eventually. The powers of discernment will return, especially when given a bit of time during the period of modern courtship.
First impressions, while meaningful, are rarely due to a conscious process. Second and third impressions, investigative and a bit more deliberate, are just as critical. One cannot ever help but see plenty of seemingly attractive people in the world. While we may label them as attractive, with a sense of envy, we are most likely not really attracted to them. We may envy them for their apparent endowment of sorts, and sympathize with and even idolize them — all of which makes us unable to keep them close because none of these sentiments are love. Idols are not loveable.
The keeper becomes the one who is kept closest, exclusively, and privileged after second and third impressions. What we ‘love’ in the other are less so generalities like biceps or bosoms or family or wealth, but character and — to be sure — particular quirks or vanities in the other that do not intimidate but ‘tickle our fancy.’ Only second and third impressions make all that evident.
The words “I love you,” uttered more or less helplessly, eventually then declare the decision of a lasting commitment.