♦ LAST UPDATED ON February 4, 2021 ♦
Romantic love is understood by many as the proverbial search for the One, the perfect soul mate, or — as the nineteenth-century ideal would describe — as the immortal beloved.
The quest involves the idea of creating a union and becoming ‘We’ instead of remaining two conjoined ‘I’s.
The two romantic lovers are not all together yet, their union is still awaiting endorsement by each other — thus their love is called romantic and not yet real or even true.
Is there really a One meant for you? Yes, there is. But please understand that you decide who that shall be. There is no one in this world predestined to be the One meant for you, not divinely willed by God and better not by parents.
So why do we give you, the reader, the impression that there is One meant for you to begin with? Simply because most people like to think that there is a One meant for them. Reading about that probably makes you feel good, and keeps you interested in perusing this article — at least so far.
Sorry to pop the bubble. We’ll be sincere thereafter now. It is our one instance of clickbait. But clickbait is what you have to become immune to, especially in dating. We like to condition you to not constantly fall for appearances.
Deciding on choices is a tricky endeavor — for whatever one decides, one cannot easily blame others if the choice does not work out. Some singles might experience that the task of making consequential choices is rather burdensome instead of thrilling. “Serve me up the One-Good-Enough,” they rather say.
Timid people they are, with little courage at all! Well, maybe not. Lived situations are usually too complex to be reduced to a single line. The exclamation may very well be just one of my own Freudian slips as I do regret having been too timid too many times in my past.
However, in the end, we all must elect one to be the One for us, and we must elect to be the One for the other. Take pride in owning this process from A to Z, lest you want others to run your life.
Being a ‘One suitable for the other’ might just work out for many, however, some ‘classy’ folks prefer to not settle too quickly. How about you?
In any case, the story of love — romantic, erotic, true, unconditional, illicit, whatever — is at the heart of living for most peoples of the world. Just look at all the popular movies that come or have come out of Hollywood. Did you see the movie Titanic? Many of them are tragic love stories before anything else, many others are comedies with a happy ending, like the movie Pretty Woman.
In these movies, romantic love is eternalized, either by the death of a lover, or by the lover’s story simply not told to the very end. That is, the story is not told past the initial romantic episode and thus leaving things to the wishful imagination of the captivated moviegoer.
Naturally, we all like to be inspired rather than presented with unsavory details about relationships and so our wishful thinking takes over. But when it comes to the One, you better be deliberate rather than just intuitive — it is a choice that must be yours by involving your heart, intellect and will.
Not that I am a great fan of Sartre, his lifestyle, and his writings, but one has to give credit where credit is due. The man could think. Which is to say that when the One is near, you ‘gotta have to have courage.’ Yes, courage. That much-promoted virtue, that most famous virtue, the virtue without which life would probably come to an end.
One may think that it is pointless to say that courage matters in the affairs of love, but that is where it really counts. Second chances are rare, so go for it and give love a chance.
Without the One meant for you, without love, what will your life be like?